Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My Role As a True Black Homosexual Man!!

Being a black gay man in America is the most difficult challenge I have ever had to face! I can not begin to imagine the hardships that men before me had to deal with!  Long ago I put my worries aside and focused on being myself! Just being happy! However I currently find myself in a state of being consumed with emotions and questions about being a homosexual male in America!

The double standards are insane! I find myself almost daily defending myself to people on what the bible says about homosexuality and how it is morally incorrect! Nine out of ten of those people have no clue what the bible says relating to homosexuality, their opinions are based solely upon their uncomfort and what they have been taught throughout life about the subject. I am a Christian and I would never say that the bible doesn't speak against homosexuality! I will however say that the world is not a perfect place and is filled with imperfect people! The bible says whomever is without sin cast the first stone! The bible also speaks of God as being a host of love. So many people see sin and un-pureness when they think of homosexuality. No one seems to think of the love, companionship, and understanding people can find in homosexuality. Society often defines homosexuality as a choice. How could a sexual orientation be a choice? The choice is only in the companion, and who on earth would choose a companion that will only please the world and not ones self.

The world is full of sexual beingswho abuse sex, but  is the abuse of sex morally correct for heterosexual individuals and only incorrect when persons of the same sex engage in it? The scariest  part of homosexuality for me is the view that society will have on who I am! A strong minded, educated, stylish, responsible, God fearing black male... Is often reduced to a weak and feminine fag! I told some staff members at my job that I planned to be a father and they looked at me with surprise in there faces, as if i had just told them i had a vagina. It is as if all of the good qualities a person can contain are diminished when the persons sexuality is not what society sees as acceptable.

A homosexual male is considered to be less of a man within society. My mother told me that a man is defined by his character, how he handles his responsibilities, and his love for the Lord. The equation she gave me does not include sexual orientation. However I often find myself hiding hurt feelings from immature males who find it hilarious to call me a faggot and throw things at me as I pass. Then there are women who believe that every gay man wants to be a woman, as if every gay man wants to put on a pair of pumps and be called by a female performers stage name. The ladies that do accept homosexuals openly fall into the trap of referring to their gay friends as their gay boyfriends and using him for fashion tips. His benefit to her life is often short changed because she often can't see pass the stereotypes that surround his sexuality. The hardest pill to swallow is the disappointment on my mothers face as she learns I am in love with a man.

Not only does the fear of society dance in my dreams but the persecution of homosexuals themselves, often feels like daggers in my back! Men who believe they are better or more masculine because they are attracted to women STILL, or the fact that they are a '' " TOPS! The men who take advantage of the fact that they appear as normal heterosexual males according to society. The bottoms who look to you as if you are less than dirt. Judging you only on what you are dressed in or how pretty you are. When you turn your back they will have their fingers rubbing the top of your mans head, convincing him that he'd be a better selection for him. I often find myself angry to see how gay men respond to one another in reference to being a bottom. Making jokes about the sexual position, and pretending as if a majority of the community haven't experimented in the position. Making it seem as if the weaker vessel should be a shameful role and not one that is praised for his strength. Our own homosexual community breaks one another down to just sexual positions. Looking completely pass that we are all people with minds, bodies, and souls, and forgetting that we all fight a battle against society daily.

The stereotypes that come along with being a black gay man are hurtful! They can make life difficult and slow down a mans pursuit of happiness and success! However, being a homosexual male has allowed an otherwise shy and meek young man, to be confident in who I am! The harsh stares and hateful words that are thrown at me have become the stepping stone for my empowerment! I have learned to love myself for my individuality! I have grown closer to God in my struggle! The misfortune I've had to face from society has allowed me to seek GOd and his love! Knowing that I was created in his image just like every other person walking this earth is relieving!

By Corey Nathaniel

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